persona non sequitur

a review of media by a slightly jaded baby boomer.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

ALIEN EATS BAMBI was the name of the science fiction epic I wrote and offered to Disney, but I was turned down. "Look," I said, "this is the movie everyone is waiting for." "The only people who want this are the people who read FANGORA," came the response, "...and if this shows up on the internet in any form, your ass is grass...".

Threats. Don't like them, but they're great motivators.
*****
I tried to leave the following comment but it was rejected because I don't have a blog myself.
Yours , George wells:
I, George H Wells, being of sound mind, write here that I have seen this website and will
gladly visit again.

*****

Wasn't there an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, where one of the senior officers were given true but incomplete information, leading to the conclusion that Data can be manipulated?

***
Note to Pauly Shore: when you release a movie with the title PAULY SHORE IS DEAD, you should consider that your career is in bad enough shape that it has turned into prophecy. At least the movie critics think so. Watch those titles.

Don't do it again, if they ever let you make another movie, I mean.

THE ADD SONG

This is a song (of sorts) I wrote a few years back. I wrote it out, it was much much longer than what appears here now. It got lost on my hard drive, which crashed a few years ago. Some people got copies of it, but they didn't save it. I did a print out, which seems to have been eaten by the house in it's odd way of doing things. Anyway, I may get back to this and complete it...


There is something you must know about me

I’m in love with you

And I have A.D.D

Might seem comforting

You helped put the fun in my dysfunctional

Even helped with my irrational self esteem

I’ve feel I could love you forever,
but we’ve only known each

Other for twenty four hours

But we could wait and see

I’m in love and I have A.D.D.

I could change my medication

and it would me find new dedications

and change my perspectives and the end result would be.

I’m in love and I have A.D.D.

Well, now let me see....


AND I have no idea why the lines appear under the text...

Friday, May 19, 2006

INCOMING E MESSAGE

George W. Bush has been running our country just like one of those families that maintain the appearance of prosperity by maxing out the credit cards and living from paycheck to paycheck. And just like families, all it takes is one domestic disaster--a car accident--a hospitalization--a layoff--to bring it all down.

New Orleans may be Bush's car crash.

Ivan McAleister
Druid at large

***

Maybe. He still has his office weasels and spin doctors, who try to give substance to what few ideas he has.

???f?f?f?f?

Incoming mail:

Hi,

I'm a dull as a lump of sand. I know this. I got my ideas from watching bricks dry after being painted. I watched for hours. Maybe it was the smell. But I put it together and created my designs. They're everywhere.

Tommy Hillfungus
¬ø¬ø¬ø¬ø¬ø¬ø¬


USEFUL HOUSEHOLD HINTS

Do not microwave blue cheese. It tends to release all the odor that the cheese contains and presents it to the atmosphere in a fine mist. You might need to open your windows.

Do not microwave clams or oysters in the shell. They explode.

An attempt to microwave four scrambled eggs resulted in the mass exploding in the stove, with a mysterious pop, and a resulting mess I had to clean up.

Do not microwave a Durian.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Some time back. I was reading Danny Sugarman's biography on Jim Morrison. A mention was made that Morrison had at one point, 23 paternity suits filed against him.

Where are these children? How come they haven't come together to produce a group called THE CHILDREN OF MORRISON?

Just wondering.

ÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎÎ

I was recollecting one car I had. A Ford Capri that lasted a decade and got about 350,000 miles on the odometer. Not bad. but at the end of its time it squealed, smoked and stalled. The headlights would go out. My wife found that they would go back on if you stomped on the brakes. Not good in the dark.

Good for a scare.

***
COMIC STRIP NEWS: The children in THE FAMILY CIRCUS have all be sent to a institution, after all of them had been diagnosed with microcephalia.

Does anyone still find CATHY funny? I gave up on it a while back. All problems caused by her own insecurities. I mean, if you complain about your weight, you slow down on the eating. Maybe she's insecure because she doesn't have a nose and her eyeballs are causing her pain because they're next to each other.

Marmaduke got hit by a truck.

The dweebs in SPORTS AND GIRLS all have herpies. Garfield has died of old age. The King in the Wizard of ID is taking Human Growth Hormones. "Momma" of Mel Lazurus fame, was killed by a suicide bomber in Isreal. Dennis the Menace was recently diagnosed as a really small creepy midget.

***
I had wondered--you ever see these guys wandering around with skinny bodies and a huge gut, looking like a beach ball? Ever consider the idea that they're unconsciously trying to grow thier own breast? And they like to rub it a lot? And they have an inverted nipple? And they could hide a plum in it?

Don't wonder too much.

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JUST MY OPINION

I don't care for some recent fashion trends. The baggy droopy pants with the underwear sticking out never appealed to me. Probably because when I was in school, the only kids who wore this kind of clothing were in the Special Education kids. You know them--unable to comb their hair, snot running out their noses and crusted on the lips, t shirts on inside out and backwards-- and I failed to ever regard those individuals as fashion plates from which to scope ideas on how to look.

Mind you that I used to wear flare pants, thought they looked 'snazzy'. I never wore bell bottoms, or the elephant bells because the cloth always dragged the ground and caught mud and dirt and allowed it to be dragged inside your house or car. Elephant bells might be good if you really have big feet and are overly self conscious about it.

When the baggy pants trend started appearing I was waiting for one news item about it. It happened. News of the Weird picked it up with a few reports on these pants and the attempted robberies: they couldn't get anywhere and the robbers fell down because of their wardrobe malfunction.
Have you ever seen the film CALIGULA? Wouldn't it benifit from a laugh track? Just a thought.



Monday, July 04, 2005

INCOMING MAIL;

***********

Hello,

Thank you for recognizing my genius. Today I woke up and I was depressed. I was depressed yesterday, but it was a different kind of depressed. I will probably be depressed later. I will write a story about my experiences.

My Holy God, I am depressed.

Barry Malzberg
Nobodylovesme, New Jersey

*******************

Where the hell am I?

Jean Paul Satre
Seventh Circle
Extra Crispy





I've decided I can't come home from work and settle down and write on the computer and fill out a blog. I get home, there's teenagers, dogs, teenager's friends, phone calls, check on the computer, feed the goats, the chickens, mow the lawn, deal with adults, prepare food for household, answer phone calls from people I do not know who want to sell me something...And so on. When I get up at 4 Am there's no pressure to do anything except settle back and wake up after a cup of coffee. Wandering in cyberspace looking over eBay auctions only permits me to spend money I ought to channel elsewhere.
SAo some time could be better spent settling back into my mind and letting loose with some of my views.

*******

Letter from ROBERT E. HOWARD


HI GUYS,

I've discovered a new game. It's called "Texas Roulette". You take a gun and fill up the chambers with six bullets and aim it at your forehead. and fire. It's really a gas.

I got to go. I heard my Mom calling me.

Robert E. Howard
somewhere in Texas.

****

Another off the wall Texan. Too many of those creatures, running around loose.




Monday, June 27, 2005

I looked over a good number of reviews for the movie HOUSE OF WAX (2005). All reviews I encountered said it was a remake of the 1950's film with the same title. No one seemed aware it was based on an earlier film titled MYSTERY OF THE WAX MUSEUM (1932). I attribute this oversight on people unable to deal with history, be it film or science or social. The earliest casting of this plot was much better than the remake with Vincent Price, despite all of his charm and oily delivery. It had Fay Wray and Lionel Atwill in it, the film was shorter and had more content, and was one of the earliest color motion pictures shot in two tone technicolor.

It seems the reviews of the recent remake were concerned with the lobotomy of a certain airheaded socialite, given all the information about her from the year past, this certainly was redundant.

At any rate, there is a DVD with HOUSE OF WAX with Vincent Price on it. It also has MYSTERY OF THE WAX MUSEUM on it as well. (Warner Brothers DVD11054). Forget about the remake. It exploits airheads. Find the DVD, purchase it, rent it and watch the one with Fay Wray.

The 3-D version isn't enclosed, though that might have been more promising if the director had any inkling of depth. Andre deThoth only had one eye.











Wednesday, May 03, 2006

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR THE PERSON WHO HAS EVERYTHING?

You can name a rock after after them. Yes, it is possible to surprise those folks who seem to have it all, by having a rock named after them. Imagine those jaded faces meeting yours after you announce that a signifigantly sized boulder now bears their name. What you need to do is send $50.00 to the International Rock Registry, and we'll name a real rock after them. It will be a real rock and a map will be sent to you of its whereabouts so that you can actually spend some time looking for your rock. A colorful 8 page mimeographed booklet will let you know all you need to know about rocks, how to find them, what they look like, the mating habits, care and feeding. Act now! Do it today! Send your money without thinking! There's no extra charge! There's no excuse for not acting on the behalf of your loved ones and getting a rock named after them! Remember, "rock" rhymes with "crock".

Not affiliated with the International Cow Pie Registry, or anything resembling anything else.