persona non sequitur

a review of media by a slightly jaded baby boomer.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

THE WEREWOLF VS THE VAMPIRE WOMAN by Arthur Scarm G-H Books 1972 190 pages

There is no way to review this as a novel. I'll just quote:

Perhaps I should first tell you what a werewolf is like. It was never adequently been described, even by a werewolf's wife.

Waldo was dead, but not very dead.

"Please don't hurt me Mister Werewolf," she begged. "I'm only 21 and I have at least 10 good years ahead of me yet."

I forgot to mention that werewolves are very strong. Their diet includes such things as animal blood, ailing grandmothers and rancid chicken fat.

Waldo had no intention of harming Ruth. In one yank he pulled of her silk blouse and lace bra and left her defenseless against any young child who might come along who wanted his lunch.

Though a werewolf, Waldo had the ego fault of all men. A conquest was terribly important. He tweaked her nipple through her lovely nurse's uniform.

Waldo woke up. "I'm sick of all this hypocrisy," he said. "So I'm a werewolf. Why all the fuss."

Genevieve said, "Wow, werewolves sure can fuck." To which Ruth hit her with her purse.

Geneview had enough of the party. "We'll find an expensive suite and sleep, and tomorrow we'll be off for the Ack Ack Cemetary and find the dead vampire Queen."

Being a werewolf is strictly against the law in most countries because they can be cruel and inhuman.

"Yes," Waldo answered, "it's one of the duties of a werewolf. I must frighten people."

"I'll try," Waldo promised, "but the ways of a werewolf are strange and he who fools with a werewolf is in constant danger.

...And all of this is just from the first chapter.


At 9:19 PM, Blogger leestein said...

Er, ah, this was actually published? But then again, so was "The Eye of Argon." Maybe someone should stage joint readings at conventions.

At 1:17 PM, Blogger Robert Whitaker Sirignano said...

This was done as a movie novelisation, and it has nothing to do with the movie. Except for the title. Maybe.


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