persona non sequitur

a review of media by a slightly jaded baby boomer.

Monday, April 17, 2006

HERMOINE and her little group of Serious Thinkers

I have gotten together with my little group of serious thinkers.

We’ve been doing this for a while.

No one has complained yet.

We go to the bar on the corner at the Main Street and intellectualize

about the world.

We discuss things.

We’ve had this problem for a while and we have not solved it.

We talked and worked on it.

We decided to channel.

Not the TV with the remote.

This is the latest rage.

Shirley McClain, the renown intellectual, does it all the time.

Sometimes she knows what she is talking about.

My little group of Serious Thinkers decided since everyone is doing

it, we should try too.

I thought about channeling once, a couple of months ago.

Not that I gave it a lot of thought, mind you, but I thought about it.

Isn’t that a coincidence?

I thought about it in April, and someone brings it up three months


Coincidences are so strange.

They just seem to happen all at once.

Channeling is like that too.

We called some of the ones who are no longer with us.

People who are not really here.

At least, not reachable by the phone.

It’s awfully hard to stay in touch with other people when you live in

another dimension.

Some people use the term “the other plane” but I don’t know any


And the phone company can’t bill the dead.

Not right now, anyway.

So I found out I’m receptive.

I’m a psychic.

I can tune into the dead and they take me over.

I’m in a trance.

And another voice is coming out of my mouth.

They get into my body and say anything they want.

It’s like a divorce court.

You don’t know what’s going to come out of this mouth.

I don’t notice anything.

Which is a shame because I’d like to maintain a good relationship with
people I didn’t talk to when they were alive.

Even members of my family.

When it happened the first time and “they” got out of me I did not


It was like a bad date, where you drank too much and didn’t know

where you were in the morning.

It was so abstract, almost intellectual.

Channeling: there’s something to it.

My little group of Serious Thinkers wanted to use this ability to know

the truth.

For days, maybe weeks, we thought of nothing else.

We talked about the need to know the truth.

We held parties.

We would experience.

There’s nothing like experience to show you what is going on.

And sometimes evidence helps too.

If you can grasp such a concept.

After about ten beers Frothinggill can see the truth but can’t work his


And then he spends too much time in the bathroom.

The conclusion was the living do not know the truth, no matter what

shape they were in.

We decided to use my channeling abilities, and call up respected

personages from the other side.

Lincoln was called, but he didn’t know beyond 1865.

Edison was called, but didn’t know people.

Orson Welles was channeled and ordered four anchovy pizzas.

John F. Kennedy complained about a bad back.

Einstein scrawled doodles on paper no one could read.

We made a list and choose one last person.

It was Abbie Hoffman.

He said: “Don’t trust anyone who’s dead.”


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